Historically, it takes a village to find love. In many Asian cultures, parents play a big role in finding a suitable partner for their child with the help of family elders, community leaders, religious leaders, and even professional matchmakers. Among the Malay community, a "mak andam" is often involved in the wedding preparations, including matchmaking. They are typically older women respected for their wisdom and knowledge of cultural rituals.

 

These matchmakers would use their extensive networks and knowledge of community dynamics to find the perfect match by evaluating compatibility, family background, economic stability, and social status. Similar to the Chinese culture of considering astrological compatibility, Javanese culture in Indonesia also calculates weton (day of birth). The couple in question will be considered compatible if the calculation results are good. 

 

 

Marriages were not a personal thing. Instead, they were deeply embedded in the broader societal structures and norms. It was often seen as an alliance between families or a way to uphold family honor. For women, marriages were often seen as a more viable and immediate future, as education, especially for women, was limited in the past. It is also connected with the optimal childbearing age, which is believed to reduce health risks associated with later pregnancies.

 

I’ll find my own soulmate (or not)

As arranged marriages decline in popularity, men and women have more autonomy and freedom in choosing their soulmates. The concept of romantic love has become more prominent, where individuals prioritize emotional connection and mutual attraction over traditional arranged marriages. Criteria for one’s desired partners don’t have to only revolve around family background and social status, and instead focus more on specific preferences about appearances, lifestyle, kids, hobbies, and daily routines. 

 

Meeting a partner organically sounds ideal, yet the busy modern lifestyle allows less time to socialize and meet potential partners. Innovations like online dating seem to bring a promising solution to the table, as people are looking for a convenient and efficient way to date. According to Statista, the Southeast Asian online dating market is projected to reach US$58.56m in 2024, and the number of users is expected to amount to 21.6m users by 2029. But the endless swiping could be tiring—it’s as if these dating apps are meant to keep you there forever. After all, love seekers could use the help of matchmakers.

 

The matchmakers are making a comeback

While matchmaking sounds like an outdated service, they came back and adapted to help clients find genuine connections with lifelong companions. In Singapore, matchmakers come in the form of a startup company, Kopi Date. They offer a dating experience where clients meet an anonymous match in a cozy cafe after filling out questionnaires about their personality, background, and interests. The algorithm comes up with potential matches, but a human touch will ensure that each date is thoughtfully matched. The idea was to focus on the quality of conversations, and “do more than endless swiping and meaningless texting,” as mentioned in their website.

 

Participants will get Kopi Date's Experience Kit to help kickstart the conversation | Source: Kopi Date

 

Matchmaking, which previously seemed full of pressure, has become a relaxing experience. “I enjoyed how relaxed it was, there was no pressure for either party, just getting to know somebody new over a cup of coffee,” shared Cassandra on Kopi Date’s website. Unlike past experiences where parents dominate the room, today’s matchmakers allow potential partners to communicate. “It was a two-way conversation where both of us had opportunities to share our views. Meeting someone face to face really brings a different kind of experience,” said another participant, Kenneth.

 

Another company, GaiGai, offers matchmaking, image consulting, and couples coaching services. They did a collaborative event with TimeOut called “Find Me A Blind Date” where participants get to experience a literal blind date session, with 15 minutes of blindfolded get-to-know session. A similar concept is also often carried out by the Blind Date Indonesia Community, where they held blind dates in partnership with local coffee shops across the country. Participants pay a joining fee inclusive of meals, drinks, and a chance to meet a potential partner. Interestingly, they promise to finance the marriage ceremony of couples who successfully step into marriage!