Traditional views on family have gradually evolved over the years. While many couples still dream of having children and grandparents aspire to cradle grandchildren, there's also a growing number of people who are choosing to remain childfree. While there are many considerations for this choice, one of the most popular reasons is the rising cost of living, which has led many young couples to reconsider the financial feasibility of having children. Additionally, higher education levels and career aspirations have resulted in delayed marriage and childbearing. More people, particularly women, are prioritizing their careers and personal development over starting a family. On the other side, the growing awareness of environmental issues and overpopulation has led some people to choose not to have children as a way of reducing their ecological footprint.

 

Whatever the reason, choosing to be childfree comes with its own set of challenges in Southeast Asia, where the idea of continuing the family lineage and fulfilling filial duties looms large. Rini, a 34-year-old professional from Jakarta faces similar challenges. Despite her flourishing career and fulfilling personal life, Rini grapples with relentless pressure from her extended family. Each family gathering becomes a forum for interrogation, with inquiries into her reproductive plans overshadowing other aspects of her identity. Rini's experience underscores the pervasive societal expectation that women, in particular, should prioritize motherhood above personal aspirations.

 

Moreover, the pressure to conform to societal norms extends beyond familial expectations. Among Rini's peers, the pressure to start a family is equally palpable. Gatherings such as "reuni" or "arisan" often turn into interrogations about Rini's marital status and reproductive plans. Friends of her age, already embracing the roles of spouse and parent, struggle to comprehend Rini's decision to remain childfree, further amplifying the sense of isolation and scrutiny she faces. As she entered adulthood, the pressure to conform to societal norms only intensified. Relatives and friends would inquire about her marital status and future plans, assuming that marriage and parenthood were inevitable milestones in her journey. Each time she attends a wedding or a family reunion, the topic of children inevitably arises, casting a shadow of doubt over her decision to remain childfree.

 

One particular moment came during a conversation with her grandmother, who could not fathom why she had chosen not to marry early and have children. In her eyes, motherhood was synonymous with fulfillment and purpose, and Rini’s decision seemed incomprehensible. Despite her attempts to explain the reasons–the desire for personal freedom, career aspirations, and concerns about overpopulation–her disapproval lingered, a silent reminder of the societal expectations Rini was defying.

 

Religion also often further compounded this pressure, as her cultural and religious beliefs intertwined to reinforce the importance of procreation. In a predominantly Muslim society like Indonesia, having children is not only a social expectation but also a religious duty. Unsurprisingly, her family emphasizes the importance of family and lineage, framing parenthood as a sacred responsibility ordained by God. As someone who cherishes her faith, reconciling these religious teachings with her decision to remain childfree has been a deeply personal journey to Rini.

 

Though so, Rini’s resolve comes with long consideration. The cultural perceptions surrounding childbirth add another layer of complexity to her decision. In Indonesia, for example, the preference for natural childbirth is deeply ingrained, and cesarean section (C-section) deliveries are often stigmatized. Women who undergo C-sections may be viewed as not experiencing the "true" essence of motherhood, further perpetuating societal expectations and norms. This cultural attitude towards childbirth can create additional pressure on women considering motherhood, as they may fear judgment or criticism for their medical choices. The perception has turned motherhood into something risking their life, something Rini and many other women consider as a risk not worth taking.

 

South Korea’s 4B Movement and what it says about the future of Southeast Asian

Parallel to Southeast Asia's growing rejection of harsh filial duties and family obligations, South Korea's 4B movement represents a radical departure from traditional expectations. The movement was initiated by author Cho Nam-Joo, who coined the term in her 2016 feminism novel Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 which highlights a South Korean woman’s struggle after marriage. The 4Bs stand for four principles: “Bihon” (no heterosexual marriage), “Bichulsan” (no childbirth), “Biyeonae” (no dating men), and “Bisekseu” (no heterosexual sexual relationships). The movement emerged from a series of online social movements, including the #MeToo movement and the "Escape the Corset" campaign, which highlighted the struggles of women in South Korea against patriarchal norms and gender discrimination.

 

Korean 4B Movement | Source: iar-gwu.org

The 4B movement is seen as a direct opposition to South Korea's patriarchal state and its pro-natalist policies, which view women's bodies and reproductive abilities as tools for the state's future. It advocates for a lifestyle free from the burdens of traditional family structures. Its supporters, predominantly young adults, abstain from the pursuit of romantic relationships and parenthood in favor of personal fulfillment and autonomy.

 

Signs of the movement's impact are already evident in South Korea's demographics. The country's fertility rate plummeted to historic lows of 0.72 in 2023, with fewer couples opting to have children. Similarly, Singapore's resident total fertility rate reached a record low of 0.97 in 2023, falling below the previous lows of 1.05 in 2022 and 1.1 in 2020. Kindergarten registration rates have also declined, reflecting a shift in societal attitudes toward family planning and parenthood.

 

Source: Population in Brief Reports, Prime Minister’s Office

 

This effect of movements like the 4B movement in South Korea serves as a stark reminder for Southeast Asian countries grappling with similar issues of the importance of supporting individuals' autonomy and agency in family planning decisions. Similar movements can already be found across Southeast Asia though smaller than the 4B movement. In Thailand, Singapore, and Indonesia, feminist movements have played a pivotal role in challenging traditional gender roles and societal expectations. Campaigns advocating for women's rights and reproductive autonomy have sparked conversations about the importance of choice and agency in family planning decisions.

 

Earlier this year, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong encouraged Singaporeans to have more children. To support prospective parents, the government has progressively enhanced support for infant caregiving, such as doubling government-paid paternity leave from two to four weeks on a voluntary basis.

 

Source: sg.news.yahoo.com

 

PM Lee acknowledged that raising children comes with its own challenges, but it is also a joyful process. "All this is quite understandable. But I still hope that more Singaporean couples will decide to have more children, and to have them earlier. Ultimately, couples will decide whether to have children for their own reasons. I hope more will decide to go ahead, and I am confident they will find parenthood a deeply rewarding and fulfilling journey," he said.

 

Besides the support from the government, there are still many issues to address regarding the social expectations surrounding motherhood in Southeast Asia. Do you think more people will consider having children in the future, or will the opposite trend continue?